This Mother’s Day, Let’s Talk About the Mental Load

By a Psychologist and a Mom

As both a psychologist and a mother, I see the mental load from two deeply personal angles. I sit with women in therapy who are quietly unraveling under the pressure, and I also live the daily juggle checking school calendars, remembering snack days, booking doctor appointments, and mentally managing everyone’s emotional needs (sometimes while cooking dinner).

The mental load isn’t about what we do it's about what we carry.

What Is the Mental Load?

It’s that invisible backpack full of tasks, reminders, emotions, and worries. It includes:

• Anticipating your child’s needs before they speak them.
• Noticing that the toothpaste is running low.
• Remembering that your partner’s mom’s birthday is next week.
• Planning meals, managing tantrums, keeping a mental inventory of groceries, laundry, emotional well-being, and logistics often all at once.

It's the invisible labor of keeping a family running—often unrecognized and unevenly shared.

Why It Feels So Heavy

The emotional and cognitive weight of motherhood is relentless because:

• It’s constant. You don’t clock out.
• It’s silent. People often don’t notice what’s being done.
• It’s expected. You’re not thanked for remembering; you're questioned when you forget.
• It’s isolating. Especially when you’re the one who seems to “just handle it.”

Even in homes where partners want to help, many moms still become the default project managers—delegating, reminding, and troubleshooting, which is its own kind of labor.

From My Couch to My Kitchen Table

In sessions, I often hear:

“I’m so tired, and I don’t even know why.”
“I feel guilty for wanting space.”
“I love my family, but I miss myself.”

And I nod not just as a therapist, but as a mother who understands.

There’s no quick fix, but there are ways to soften the edges of the load.

Practical Ways to Lighten the Load

1. Name It

Give the mental load a name in your household. When you say, “I’m not just doing things, I’m carrying all the things,” it shifts the conversation from tasks to emotional labor.

2. Make the Invisible Visible

Use shared calendars, whiteboards, or apps to display the work. Let your family see the planning, so it’s no longer silent or assumed.

3. Shift from Help to Shared Ownership

Instead of “helping out,” ask your partner to take full ownership of certain responsibilities school lunches, laundry, or morning routines. True support doesn’t require micromanaging.

4. Create Mental Space for Yourself

That might mean therapy, journaling, walking without a stroller or to-do list, or simply not being available to everyone all the time. You deserve room to breathe.

5. Let It Be Imperfect

Release the pressure to do it all well. Your child will not remember if you forgot Pajama Day—they’ll remember how you made them feel safe and loved.

6. Therapy Helps. Here's How:

As a psychologist, I’ve seen firsthand how transformative therapy can be for mothers feeling overwhelmed by the mental load. Here’s what therapy can offer:

• A space to exhale. Sometimes just saying it out loud "I’m carrying too much" can feel like a release.
• Validation without judgment. Therapy reminds you that your exhaustion is not a failure it's a natural response to being overextended.
• Tools for boundaries and communication. Learn how to speak up about your needs without guilt, and set limits that honor your mental health.
• Rediscovery of self. Beneath the roles of mother, partner, and caregiver is you. Therapy helps you reconnect with your identity outside the mental checklist.

If you’ve been feeling like you’re holding it together with duct tape and caffeine, you are not alone and you don’t have to keep doing it this way. We are here for you and have therapists ready to listen and help.

Therapy is not indulgent. It’s essential.
This Mother’s Day, give yourself the gift of being held too.

This Mother’s Day, Ask Yourself:

• What am I carrying that no one sees?
• What can I let go of even just this week?
• What would support actually look like right now?

To the Moms Reading This

You are not alone.
You are not imagining the weight.
And you are not failing for feeling tired.

Motherhood is both beautiful and demanding—and acknowledging the second part doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.

This Mother’s Day let’s celebrate not just the love we give, but the labor we carry and let’s start asking for the support we deserve.